You’ll notice that these are the raw transcripts of the series. As such, they have no scene directions or character identifiers.

But if you’re looking for a written version of what is actually said on screen… this is it!

If you’re looking to compare it to the original script, it is the last half of this one.

Rock on, you transcription loving dude!

Team Leader Eps. 8 “Heart to Heart”

-Roxanne asked me to be team leader.

-Beautiful. Did she cry in her Union Jack hanky when you shoved it back in her face? I’m due for a bit of good luck, eh, Chuck?

-I took it. The offer. I took it.

-Oh. Well, congratulations, I guess. Yeah, it’s great. Really. Hey, everybody! You’re looking at my new boss.

-Those are my keys.

-Okay. My Spider-Sense tells me that you’re a bit upset. Alice, let me in. Okay, okay, okay. Now you’re smoking my weed without me? Open the door, Alice.

-This is bullshit. You motherfucking Benedict Brookald.

-Who is “Benedict Brookald”?

-Benedict Arnold? You’ve never heard of him?

-Sorry. Don’t watch sports.

-We had a deal.

-What deal?

-Well, we should have had a deal!

-Okay. I don’t know what you’re talking about, okay? And I don’t know why you’re upset and I also don’t know why I’m stuck out here in the cold.

-You’re an idiot!

-Let’s just talk about this, okay? We’ll talk about this like adults. We’ll sit and watch some Teletoons, we’ll smoke some weed. It’ll be great.

-Fuck you, boss! You want that in triplicate?

-A-ha. So that’s what this is about. The promotion. Okay. I get it. Guess I’ll just stand out here, you know, and just wait for you to open the door. My phone’s going to die.

-Like your corporate soul? Suit. If you start tying double Windsors, so help me God, I’m going to put every one of your fricking ties…

-Okay. You know what? This is not a real promotion. This is just team leader, okay? It’s bullshit. All it means is I’ve got to bring in the cakes. I’ve got to bring in the retirement cakes and the get-well-soon cakes and the birthday cakes and the welcome-back cakes and the mat-leave cakes.

-This is so much more than flour and icing, asshole. This is a cosmic balance, and you fucked it up!

-So you smoke my pot. And fuck! You lock me out of my apartment.

-Our apartment! We split the rent. We show up late together. We duck out early and we take long lunches. I hope you’re happy.

-I’m not happy.

-Well, you’re not supposed to be happy! It’s a job! You get paid shit to do shit work!

-You’re not ever going to get a promotion with that kind of attitude.

-I don’t want a promotion! I don’t want to be alone!

-What are we talking about here? What are we talking about here?

-I’m not going to take orders from you.

-You don’t have to take orders from me. Alice…

-Here’s how it’s going to play. Every time you ask me do something, I’m going to say no. And then you’re going to offer me some compensation and then I’m going to say yes.

-You’re shaking me down. What kind of leverage? What’s the compensation?

-Every time you ask me to do something, it’s a quarter.

-A quarter? I think I can manage that.

-Of pot.

-Of pot. That’s like 70 bucks.

-With your promotion, you can afford it. Come on! Share the wealth. Now nod your head twice so I can whoop your ass at Mario Kart. Oops! It’s done. Fuck. Yes! You got something on your shirt.