You’ll notice that these are the raw transcripts of the series. As such, they have no scene directions or character identifiers.

But if you’re looking for a written version of what is actually said on screen… this is it!

If you’re looking to compare it to the original script, this one is a little tricky. It is the rump of the second script and the first half of the third. Yep, we’re crazy that way.

Rock on, you transcription loving dude!

Team Leader Eps. 5 “It’s Only Cricket”

-I heard that you were fired.

-So it’s true? You’re fired? Well, that’s it for me. You live together; you die alone.

-“Plan A”? “Plan B”?

-Contingency plans. I’m A; you’re B.

-Those are confidential company files.

-That’s right, and we’re going to take them straight to the competitors and start the bidding.

-That’s step 2.

-Now you’re in for it. Roxanne’s coming out.

-Is there a joint in this one?

-I know everyone is a little shaken up by today’s unfortunate setback, coming as it does on the last workday before Monday’s presentation, so I think it’s only cricket to give you the rest of the day off, and we’ll make up the half day tomorrow after the memorial.

-But tomorrow is my niece’s birthday and it is a Saturday.

-I know what day comes after Friday. I’ll let you know tomorrow who’ll be running the presentation. In this trying time, I’m sure you all want to go home and be with your families.

-Oh, you know. A lesbian bar. To each his own.

-That will be all. Brooke, be a lad and pop back in.

-I didn’t get fired.

-Do you think the place has cleared out yet?

-I didn’t make a list, but the chorus of weeping seems about done.

-Welcome to management, love.

-You know, I haven’t accepted your offer yet.

-Come on. Haven’t I kept up my side of our deal?

-Yeah, until now.

-The thing about one of your employees kicking it in the office, other than being bloody unfortunate, of course, is that it doesn’t make my job any easier. What with the government squeezing small business and the American dollar all but rubbish, it’s hard. Now, back home…

-Back home?

-London. The Queen’s Commonwealth?

-Roxanne, you… You are about as British as Madonna.

-What? Her? She’s a fraud. Fraud. Anyways, over the pond, somebody walks into your office and sees a bunch of frowdy-dowdies, well, they don’t give it a second thought. But here, they don’t see enough smiles, it’s “Goodbye, Charlie.”

-You’re calling us frowdy-dowdies?

-Listen. The Martin-Wells Presentation is Monday. My sole mission is to make them happy. I need someone to put the finishing touches on what I’m sure is another near flawless presentation like last year’s.

-Honestly, Roxanne, I don’t do a thing around here.

-Don’t you think I know that? Shit, someone needs to take control of the minions. What this team needs is a new leader.

-No.

-It’s a bump in pay.

-No.

-Flex time.

-No.

-You get a double desk. Room for more of those Charlie Brown figures you like so much.

-Well…

-And…

-You know what? They were stolen anyway, so it’s not like it really matters.

-Why are you making this so hard, Brookie? Don’t make me beg.

-Please don’t.

-Come on. There’s so much riding on this presentation, and I need your help. Your mind. Your body.

-Stop. Just…

-It’s exactly the same job you’re doing know, just with more perks.

-Except I have to tell people what to do.

-Exactly.

-I’m not willing to do that.

-Okay, no more games.

-Thank God. I’ll see you tomorrow. On Saturday.