You’ll notice that these are the raw transcripts of the series. As such, they have no scene directions or character identifiers.

But if you’re looking for a written version of what is actually said on screen… this is it!

If you’re looking to compare it to the original script, it is the boardroom scene of this one

Team Leader Eps. 12 “The Presentation”

-What did Roxanne say?

-Nothing.

-Nothing? You were in her office for 45 minutes. Reggie had a whole mental breakdown and started calling me Sally in the time it took you to talk about nothing?

-A woman died here today, Sally.

-So it’s true? You’re fired? Well, that’s it for me. You live together; you die alone. You’re the only reason I wasn’t fired years ago.

-Or pulled a Cake. The key to a successful client presentation is the presentation itself.

-Right. As always, it’s a privilege to be…

-It’s unbearably cold in here. It’s always cold in here. Cold last year; cold this year.

-Our deepest condolences about Cake’s passing.

-Thank you. Before we begin, could I get anyone anything?

-A heat lamp.

-No? Great. Let’s get started.

-Serenity. Calm. Serenely calm. Feel the stress disappear from your shoulders like sandcastles washing away at high tide. Feel it? Good. Because that’s the way a Connectrixx client should feel.

-Morning, Janice. Out for your morning jog along the beach?

-Just like every morning, Bill. Say, did you happen to catch that snazzy new Martin-Wells billboard by the overpass?

-Martin-Bells?

-No, silly. Martin-Wells. You know, the company that leads 18-to-25 dental in disposable oral care category?

-Why, no. No, I haven’t seen it, Janice. Their marketing and branding company must not be doing their jobs.

-Balderdash. I wish there was some way we could show them how the Connectrixx company serves the Martin-Wells brand.

-I am the ghost of quarterlies past, here to show you what a great job Connectrixx has done the last 12 months. Join me in my fantastic time machine. There they are, a mere 12 months ago when Martin-Wells was struggling through a 12% market share loss.

-We’re in the trenches fighting for you every day. Who are we fighting?

-Traditional oral-care buying habits, sir!

-Traditional oral-care buying habits, sir!

-That’s right. Nobody buys one toothbrush in a lifetime. Nobody!

-Hey, nothing happened. I didn’t get my prince.

-This is the problem of managing consumer expectations.

-We’ve only been married two days and you’re leaving.

-I just can’t do it anymore. You haven’t brushed your teeth once. It’s over.

-I forgot my toothbrush. I never should have married you. I should have married Cedric. Cedric!

-Yes, it’s me, Norma, and I brought you disposable toothbrushes. One for home, one for the car, one for the office. But it’s too late for me. I’m dying.

-That’s right, 19-Alpha-G. Martin-Wells is the future.

-That was dim. Dim. A business relationship is only as strong as its teamwork.

-Oh, that’s right. Here at Connectrixx, we’re busy and hard at work, ensuring that people trade in their old toothbrushes for a Martin-Wells smile. But we’re not the only company…

-Excuse me. I’m sorry. Looks like… Is that a stain?

-What is that?

-What is this?

-Something wrong, Trevor?

-This document. It’s all wrong.

-Back to the presentation.

-These numbers. Is this report from last year? Figures of…

-What? No!

-It says right here, “Gary Diddon.” Gary Diddon hasn’t worked for Martin-Wells in 8 months.

-These two reports are identical in every respect. I mean, how did you expect to get away with this?

-Did you just do a global search-and-replace? The years go from ’04 to ’06, and the page numbers go from 04 to 06.

-We’ve owned Frampton-Barkston for the last 4 months. It was the biggest single merger in non-floss dental care…

-Perhaps we’d better adjourn.

-We’ll be finding a new branding agency.

-Why don’t we all just have a cup of tea…

-Thanks anyway, Roxanne.

-I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t mean to bring it up.

-Don’t worry about it. It’s… You have a stain on your shirt.

-I should have never left you in charge of wardrobe.

-You know, this is all Alice’s fault. Alice! Jesus fucking Christ, Alice! Now you’re going to fuck him like you fucked us.

Rock on, you transcription loving dude!