TEAM LEADER
Episode 2: "It's Only Cricket"
INT. CONNECTRIX OFFICE DAY 1
THE CUBICAL Captain Annoy o sits on his desk, feet on his
chair, slurping his borscht soup in a tupperware. He watches as
two PARAMEDICS wheel Cake's body away on a gurney.
Suddenly, he drops his soup... he looks down...
OUTSIDE ROXANNE'S OFFICE Brooke comes out of Roxanne's office,
shaken. Brooke pulls himself together as he heads through the
quiet office to...
CAKE'S CUBICAL Alice, MOONBEAM and ZANA are going through
Cake's belongings. A CLEANER scrubs at the stains on the desk
with minimal success.
ALICE
Brooke! So?
BROOKE
So?
ALICE
So...!?
BROOKE
So... why are you going through a dead
woman's belongings?
ALICE
'Sifting' through.
MOONBEAM
(distraught)
It's for our scrapbooks.
ZANA
Our 'Remembering Cake' scrapbooks. At the
back, I'll leave a little room to
document the Martin Wells presentation.
She worked so hard.
BROOKE
(to Alice)
You're doing a scrapbook?
ALICE
(sarcastic)
We're all doing a scrapbook. If you're
not with us, you're against us.
Against freedom. What's your problem with
freedom, Brooke?
XAVIER walks up with an armload of stuff. Plops it on the desk
beside Cake's. In the background of this, we see Captain Annoy o
trading chairs with Brooke at their cube. No one notices.
XAVIER
Once I saw Cake was dead, I called it.
Jim heard me. Only the team leader gets a
double desk. And Cake's not team leader
anymore, right? So... there's an open
desk. Right?
MOONBEAM
Does someone have Cake's desk? I wouldn't
mind being closer to the window.
ZANA
Who has Cake's job?
ALICE
(to Brooke)
What did Roxanne say?
BROOKE
(lying)
Nothing.
ALICE
Nothing? You were in her office for forty
five minutes. Reggie had a whole mental
breakdown, started calling me "Sally" and
got better in the time it took you to
talk about nothing.
Popping up over the partition...
REGGIE
Someone died, okay Sally?
Brooke goes back to his desk only to notice that he's been
cleaned out. All his crap gone.
ALICE
I know that you're lying.
BROOKE
Where's all my shit?
ALICE
I'll tell you where your shit is if you
tell me what the shit is going on.
BROOKE
You don't actually know where it is, do
you?
ALICE
Maybe I do, and maybe I don't
BROOKE
I'll go with option 2. Where's my
wireless headset? My Charlie Brown
paperweights?
CAPTAIN ANNOY O
You won't be needing the stress reducing
antics of Charlie and his Peanuts posse.
Everybody knows you've been fired.
ALICE
I knew it!
BROOKE
I can't decide whether to be pissed or to
laugh at what a moron you are. But it's
one or the other.
ALICE
Hybrid feelings are so underrated.
GUY leans over the partition and takes Brooke's name plate.
BROOKE
Hey guy!
GUY
(pronounced 'Gee')
Guy!
BROOKE
Hey... Gee.
GUY
I heard you were fired.
BROOKE
Heard from who? And what do you want with
my name plate?
GUY
(embarrassed)
I uh... I have a niece named Brooke. And
it's her birthday. She's six. I was going
to cut the... she'll probably really like
it.
ALICE
Every six year old's dream.
Beat.
BROOKE
Tell her to use it in good health.
ALICE
(to Brooke)
So it's true? You're fired? You're the
only reason I wasn't fired years ago.
REGGIE
Or pulled a Cake.
BROOKE
Is that a thing already? Pulling a Cake?
REGGIE
I'm trying it out. Thoughts?
BROOKE
A bit soon.
ALICE
Look under your monitor.
Brooke looks under his monitor there's two envelopes: One
reads: "Brooke's been fired." The other reads "Alice's been
fired."
ALICE (CONT'D)
Open the one that says, "Brooke's been
fired."
Brooke, confused, slowly rips open the envelope. Alice opens a
filing cabinet and stuffs her purse full with files.
CAPTAIN ANNOY O
Pardon me? Hold up a second. Those are
confidential company files!
ALICE
That's right. We're going to take this
straight to the competitors and start the
bidding.
CAPTAIN ANNOY O
There will be repercussions, Alice. The
full weight of Connectrixx will come
crashing down on your pretty little
skull.
Captain dials his phone, talking during the background of
REGGIE
Where's my envelope?
ALICE
Nobody cares if you get fired.
REGGIE
I've got kids to feed.
ALICE
You've got cats to feed.
REGGIE
Young cats. Kittens, really.
Brooke watches this until he can't keep quiet any longer.
BROOKE
Stop. Stop it.
ALICE
Stick with the plan. If you're gone, I'm
going with you.
REGGIE
I'm not.
BROOKE
Alice, don't be stupid. You're not going
anywhere.
CAPTAIN ANNOY O
Now you're in for it. Roxanne's coming
out.
The intercom CHIME rings.
ROXANNE
(over the intercom)
Can I please have everyone's attention?
The office goes quiet. Beat.
CAPTAIN ANNOY O
(to Alice, quietly)
I won't think less of you if you run.
ROXANNE emerges from her office. She speaks in a British accent,
cultivated during her one semester abroad 15 years ago. As
everyone stands to hear what she has to say...
Captain Annoy o sees a RED BORSCHT STAIN on Brooke's shirt. He
goes pale. Completely unaware, Brooke slips on his sweater.
ROXANNE
I know everyone is a little shaken up by
today's unfortunate setback. Coming as it
does on the last work day before Monday's
presentation. I think it's only cricket
to give you the rest of the day off.
The whole office SIGHS. Thank you.
ROXANNE (CONT'D)
And we'll make up the half day tomorrow
after the memorial.
GUY
But… tomorrow's my niece's birthday. And
it's Saturday.
ROXANNE
I know what day comes after Friday.
Deflated, Guy hands Brooke back his plaque.
ROXANNE (CONT'D)
I'll let you know tomorrow who is going
to running the presentation. In this
trying time, I know you'll all want to go
home and be with your families.
ALICE
(under her breath)
Or, you know, the lesbian bar. To each
his own.
ROXANNE
That'll be all.
She turns to go. Everyone packs up to leave. Alice jams one more
file into her purse.
ROXANNE (CONT'D)
(popping her head back out)
Brooke? Be a lad and pop back in?
Alice gives him a look what the hell?
BROOKE
(avoids her stare)
I didn't get fired.
And with that he turns to Roxanne's office, leaving a confused
Alice in the dust.
END
