TEAM LEADER
Episode 1: "...And Eat it Too."
INT. CONNECTRIXX OFFICE DAY
Florescent lights HUM to life. There's only one employee in the
cubicled marketing office: CAKE (30's, pale), who stares not at
her computer screen, but right through it, exhausted.
ON DESK CALENDAR: We can tell by the crossed off days that it is
a Friday. On the following Monday, a circled date: "The Martin
Wells Presentation – Due Today"
ON COMPUTER SCREEN: All that is written is "Martin Wells
Presentation: Introduction." Below: "I'd like to take this
opportunity to say..." and nothing else.
She is utterly defeated, her vacant look telling the last straw
has been broken. A deep sigh. She types: "I can't bake another
cake."
Her desk plaque reads KATE MACINTOSH. Between her given names,
someone has tacked on the nickname, "CAKE."
On her cubicle wall is the sign that says it all: "TEAM LEADER."
INT. OFFICE LATER
It's 8:45. Workers start filing in. JOSH THE MAILBOY drops off
the morning mail. Cake is slumped over her desk, motionless. It
looks like she's sleeping. She doesn't stand out. People walk
past en route to their desks, offering the usual pleasantries.
TAMMY A.
Late night again, Cake? Burning the
midnight oil?
CAPTAIN ANNOY O stops by. Like he does every day.
CAPTAIN ANNOY O
What kind of cake do we have today? Oh, I
do hope its apple caramel. Nothing beats
your apple caramel.
Off her non response, he turns and stubs his toe on the corner
of a desk, on top of which has the nameplate BROOKE HAVELOCK.
INT. OFFICE LATER
It's now 10:15. BROOKE and ALICE, two twentysomething slackers,
stroll in as usual, shades on, carrying huge oversized coffees.
BROOKE
I just couldn't do it.
ALICE
I was sure I was gonna have that 'girl in
your shirt by the fridge' moment. Not
that half the girls you bring home could
fit in your shirts...
BROOKE
Thanks. The last date you had was with
Pac Man.
ALICE
Idiot, you spilt coffee on yourself.
She points at his shirt, and taps his face.
BROOKE
Nobody but you ever finds that funny.
They arrive at their cubicles.
CAPTAIN ANNOY O
TGIF! Hey, thanks for bringing me a
coffee!
The same joke as yesterday. And the day before. Just as stale.
Brooke and Alice sit down at cubicles across from one another.
Annoy o sits behind Brooke. The share an attached workspace.
Alice's phone RINGS. She picks it up. Promptly SLAMS it down.
ALICE
I can't wait for lunch.
Brooke sips his coffee, then goes to place it down CRASH!
His desk has been moved. He glares incredulously at the Captain.
BROOKE
Alright, let's have it. (beat)
Was it not perpendicular to the wall?
ALICE
Ruining your feng shui?
CAPTAIN ANNOY O
It was sticking out. Workplace safety is
everyone's responsibility.
BROOKE
(to Reggie)
Reggie, help me move this back
REGGIE, chubby and baby faced, peers around the edge of his
cubicle, concerned eyes trained on Cake.
BROOKE (CONT'D)
Reg? What's up? You're staring more than
usual.
He gestures with his head in Cake's direction. Alice and Brooke
both follow his eyes as...
REGGIE
Watch this.
An awkward woman, ZANA (was Awkward Woman), stops at Cake's
cubicle...
ZANA
Mornin' there Cake. Working hard or
hardly working? [Laughs]
She walks off. Cake is still...still.
ALICE
I wish I slept that deep.
BROOKE
I wish you didn't insist on sleeping with
music.
ALICE
So what? I find Nickelback soothing. Deal
with it.
Their playful arguing is interrupted by:
REGGIE
I think Cake is dead.
ALICE
I think you're dead.
BROOKE
Dead, like... what? Like... 'dead
inside'? Or 'dead serious'...
REGGIE
Like dead like 'empty bottle of pills'
dead.
They notice the empty bottle of pills on her desk.
BROOKE
(quietly)
Hey! Cake! Hey, what'd you bake today?
No answer. They exchange looks. Wordlessly, they decide who's
going to investigate. Rock, paper, scissors. Brooke loses. From
across the aisle, he examines Cake.
Begrudgingly, Brooke gets up. Goes over. He picks up a long
pencil. Sticks it in her ear. It stays. She's motionless. Brooke
gives them a 'holy shit' look. Noticing their antics:
CAPTAIN ANNOY O
Some of us have work to do.
INT. KITCHEN LATER
Reggie, Alice, and Brooke stand around the microwave.
REGGIE
Someone's got to tell Roxanne.
ALICE
It's so like Cake. Remember when we found
that rat squashed behind the photocopy
machine? And she sat shiva because she
thought the rat had sideburns
REGGIE
Someone's got to tell Roxanne.
BROOKE
This is a tragic event. I mean, how does
someone go from being your 'team leader'
to being your 'dead co worker', like,
overnight?
ALICE
So overly dramatic killing yourself at
work? I mean, it's a little unnecessary.
It's like HBO up in here.
REGGIE
(Fake sign language)
Someone's got to tell Roxanne.
BROOKE
Dude. People stopped doing the 'fake
deaf' thing a decade ago.
REGGIE
Come on! This isn't like bogarting office
supplies this is important! How long
can we leave Cake at her desk like that
before someone notices?
Right on cue, someone SHRIEKS O/S. The cat's out of the bag.
ALICE
Shit.
INT. OFFICE MOMENTS LATER
An increasing number of co workers start to cluster at Cake's
desk. Alice, Reggie and Brooke stand back a little.
CAPTAIN ANNOY O (O.C.)
Can you believe this? And on a Friday!
BROOKE
I'm going to tell her.
ALICE
Are you off your nut? What'd you tell me,
Day 1, 9AM?
BROOKE
I know, I know. Turtle.
ALICE
Keep your head in your shell, boyo.
That's right. The key to keeping the
Martin Wells account has committed
suicide at her desk. You really want to
be the one to tell Madame Maniac? She of
the frosted glass door?
CAPTAIN ANNOY O (O.C.)
She really looks...peaceful.
BROOKE
What do you propose we do?
Alice slowly pulls her head down into her sweater. Turtle.
REGGIE
You think we'll get to go home early?
BROOKE
That really shouldn't be our focus right
now.
REGGIE
Oh… you're right. You're probably going
to get fired.
BROOKE
Me? I didn't kill her.
ALICE
(kidding)
Murderer.
A few people turn to look at them.
REGGIE
It's standard office protocol. Whoever
brings the problem to the boss, is the
problem. To the boss. Remember Smitty?
ALICE
I'm pretty sure I saw him picking up
cigarette butts behind the bowling alley.
BROOKE
What were you doing behind the bowling
alley?
Before she can respond...
WEEPY OFFICE WOMAN
Good heavens! What are we going to do?
REGGIE
Brooke's going to tell Roxanne.
Everyone looks at Brooke. They nod knowingly better him than
them.
INT. OUTSIDE ROXANNE'S DOOR MOMENTS LATER
Brooke takes a breath. He looks back for moral support. Captain
Annoy o turns off Cake's desk lamp.
Brooke grips the door handle, and steps through...
END
